So we have been living in this apartment in Spanish Harlem together over the last two years and the apartment across the hall from us was vacant until late last year. It was vacant because the person that was living there was an elderly woman, who unfortunately passed away in the apartment without anyone knowing... and the apartment was cleaned, gutted and refurbished for new tenants. Last year our first set of neighbors was this couple. Chubby white man, and chubby black woman, they seemed normal waved at us the first couple of encounters, asked about access to the roof of the building. They even started working out together... but after some time the weird noises started; at first we thought it was funny him oinking like a farm animal and her mewing like a cat. Then there were dogs and cows... after some time it was just plain ridiculous!
The couple eventually started to fight. Their fights became louder and louder, then we started noticing that the woman would leave and go to work and the man would stay at home and hang out with their dog. Eventually one moved out then the other and the apartment was vacant again. It was empty for a while and we started to believe that the apartment was somehow cursed... no one would move in.
Then the fateful day came, when our new neighbor moved in. Both of us were at work when it happened, but we knew someone was there because of the noise and moving around. One night on my way out of the apartment to meet my husband I bumped into our new neighbor. He seemed pleasant enough; paused at the door and said "hey I guess we're new neighbors" we exchanged names and basic pleasantries then went our separate ways.
I told my husband, when I met up with him, that we may finally have a "normal neighbor" but he seemed skeptical. Low and behold, while we were out, we bumped into our new neighbor again and I was able to introduce them to one another, he tells us that he has a roommate that will be moving in with him shortly and we would meet him very soon. Again we pleasantly parted and continued living our lives. This all happened around two-three months ago... we never realized when the roommate moved in, never heard anything strange or questionable until around 2AM last night!
We're asleep in bed when suddenly there is LOUD shouting coming from the apartment across the hall... I'm AWAKE but the husband is still sleeping through all of the yelling and crazy conversation that I was getting bits and pieces of.
The ass kicker was when one of our "gentle neighbors" throws the other against a wall that is directly connected to our wall... and the slam is so loud that my husband gets up in a jolt and asks me "What the fuck was that?" I tell him "that would be our neighbors fighting" then the shouting gets even louder... my husband is fortunate enough to be able to get back to sleep... however, unfortunately for me, I was able to listen to most of their argument... it turns out that the neighbor and his roommate are actually lovers and their argument/blow out fight was insane and went a little something like this: (Neighbors 1 and 2 will be written in as N1 and N2 also please excuse some of the language below as it was verbatim and not vocabulary that I use on a regular basis).
N1: I did not fuck no Phillip! How dare you come in here and say that I fucked Phillip!
N2: mumble mumble
N1: That's right you pay my fucking bills, you don't do shit else!! you should be paying my
fucking bills!!! I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!!
N2: mumble mumble CRASH!!!!!
N1: How dare you! How dare you! How dare you! I'm a good nygga! I'm a good nygga!! I AM A
GOOD NYGGA!!!!!!!!
N2: walks out of apartment and leaves the building... comes back in and slams the apartment
door again
N1: How dare you! I don't have any friends! NO FRIENDS because of YOU!
at this point it gets redundant... I guess when people get going in an argument they don't realize that they are repeating themselves over and over again... and eventually I started falling asleep again which was great!
After all of this I just have one question for my neighbor... the one I met anyway... Why didn't you just tell us that your boyfriend was moving in, instead of saying he was your roommate? HUH then at least I could have been more prepared for the CRAZY that now lives next door to us! SIGH!!!
xoxo
LuLu ;)
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
You're Not Teaching if You're Sitting Down!
This is what I was told, in so many words, by more than one administrator at my school. This is also something that I am truly concerned about... It seems that the administrators at my school think that where a teacher is positioned in the classroom has something to do with their effectiveness as a professional educator.
I sat in the library at my school today and listened to the principal try and explain what it is, exactly, that he would be looking for when he walks into teachers classrooms throughout the school year...he asked the staff members (the one's that were present anyway) what we think an administrator would look for first, as soon as they walk into the classroom of one of their teachers? One staff member stated "look to see if the students are engaged in the lesson" and of course, that was not what he was looking for, another said "see if the students are answering questions, or working on something, making sure there is an Aim and a Do Now" Again, this was not what he was looking for... instead he proceeded to say that the first thing they will be looking for, will be where the teacher is and what the teacher is doing.
I sat for a moment and thought about my profession, thought about how I do MY job, and then thought to myself... It doesn't matter where the hell I am in the classsroom, I can teach a lesson from any position in the room, I usually sit at the front of the room; it is a strategic position based upon my classroom management and I have class discussions or have the students work in groups or pairs or filling out charts... I know that I do my job because when I see those same kids again, or hear about them from other professionals I hear that these students are success stories... so what the hell does where I am in the classroom have anything to do with my ability to teach a lesson?"
I am concerned about this initial tactic of administration, because I think that if someone comes into my classroom, where I know I reach students, and they immediately judge my ability to teach based upon whether or not I am sitting when they walk in, then I am afraid that they will miss the real reason that they are supposed to be coming in to watch me teach in the first place... to assess whether or not students are learning. If they are more concerned with where I am positioned, how can they be focused on the important aspects of my classroom? such as whether or not the students are engaged in the lesson, or if there is discussion, analysis, critical thinking, writing, speaking?... I don't know what is important in education anymore.
I couldn't believe that I was sitting in a room filled with educators who were listening to this man spew this nonsense... he was subjecting us to a ridiculous conversation that was meant to be one sided; he was definitely not looking for any response to what he was saying... I mean this is a man who has not had ONE faculty meeting this year... he has disguised his faculty meetings as "differentiated faculty conferences" which means department meetings twice a month... and there is nothing that can be done about it... it's the classic "divide and conquer" technique and it's unfortunate that some teachers may fall for it.
I work in a school where there are MANY relatively new teachers who may or may not be made aware of the rights they have as educators and it's unfortunate that they have to be subjected to these conversations that mean, a teacher is not allowed to be human and take a moments rest in the classroom, a teacher is not allowed to pause and think for a moment... working needs to be continuous, consistent, NON STOP ... not that the rights we have matter in these days with BLOOMSTORM running things.... he's like a tornado of destruction! AHHHHHHHH
And so, I have to continue to teach my lessons, work with the kids and remind myself constantly that they are the reason that I do what I do... they are the reason that I work myself DEAD TIRED.... they are the future... they are my future...
So I keep moving, keep striding, keep writing, keep reading, and keep working so that they can have it, make it better... later... Hope this is not all in vain...
xoxo
Lulu ;)
I sat in the library at my school today and listened to the principal try and explain what it is, exactly, that he would be looking for when he walks into teachers classrooms throughout the school year...he asked the staff members (the one's that were present anyway) what we think an administrator would look for first, as soon as they walk into the classroom of one of their teachers? One staff member stated "look to see if the students are engaged in the lesson" and of course, that was not what he was looking for, another said "see if the students are answering questions, or working on something, making sure there is an Aim and a Do Now" Again, this was not what he was looking for... instead he proceeded to say that the first thing they will be looking for, will be where the teacher is and what the teacher is doing.
I sat for a moment and thought about my profession, thought about how I do MY job, and then thought to myself... It doesn't matter where the hell I am in the classsroom, I can teach a lesson from any position in the room, I usually sit at the front of the room; it is a strategic position based upon my classroom management and I have class discussions or have the students work in groups or pairs or filling out charts... I know that I do my job because when I see those same kids again, or hear about them from other professionals I hear that these students are success stories... so what the hell does where I am in the classroom have anything to do with my ability to teach a lesson?"
I am concerned about this initial tactic of administration, because I think that if someone comes into my classroom, where I know I reach students, and they immediately judge my ability to teach based upon whether or not I am sitting when they walk in, then I am afraid that they will miss the real reason that they are supposed to be coming in to watch me teach in the first place... to assess whether or not students are learning. If they are more concerned with where I am positioned, how can they be focused on the important aspects of my classroom? such as whether or not the students are engaged in the lesson, or if there is discussion, analysis, critical thinking, writing, speaking?... I don't know what is important in education anymore.
I couldn't believe that I was sitting in a room filled with educators who were listening to this man spew this nonsense... he was subjecting us to a ridiculous conversation that was meant to be one sided; he was definitely not looking for any response to what he was saying... I mean this is a man who has not had ONE faculty meeting this year... he has disguised his faculty meetings as "differentiated faculty conferences" which means department meetings twice a month... and there is nothing that can be done about it... it's the classic "divide and conquer" technique and it's unfortunate that some teachers may fall for it.
I work in a school where there are MANY relatively new teachers who may or may not be made aware of the rights they have as educators and it's unfortunate that they have to be subjected to these conversations that mean, a teacher is not allowed to be human and take a moments rest in the classroom, a teacher is not allowed to pause and think for a moment... working needs to be continuous, consistent, NON STOP ... not that the rights we have matter in these days with BLOOMSTORM running things.... he's like a tornado of destruction! AHHHHHHHH
And so, I have to continue to teach my lessons, work with the kids and remind myself constantly that they are the reason that I do what I do... they are the reason that I work myself DEAD TIRED.... they are the future... they are my future...
So I keep moving, keep striding, keep writing, keep reading, and keep working so that they can have it, make it better... later... Hope this is not all in vain...
xoxo
Lulu ;)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I want to be an artist...
I just watched this youtube video www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxSuQIWCtXY and realized that I felt something while I watched... I felt something inside me jump and giggle... and it felt good, warm, bubbly, juicy... I need to find a way to get what's inside of me out and make it something productive...
I want to be an artist... not the kind that everyone knows, not the kind that everyone see's, but the kind that really affect and effects people. I want to be the kind of artist that believes in what I do... I want things for myself and feel mediocre at times because to me it seems like anyone can do what I do. I always hear about teaching be an art, or even speaking eloquently being an art... I know it... but I don't feel it or believe it for myself.
I think (strike that) I know that I am good at what I do, I can reach kids, and speak to them in a way some other teachers cannot fathom. I know that I am a good person, that I see things differently than other people... most other people... I just don't think I have an outlet for me...
Something that will make it easier to see me the way God see's me... or even the way other people see me. I wish I had those goggles... the ones that let you see yourself, your true self... the self that you think no one else notices but it is who you are. I know I'm in this body somewhere, I just need an outlet... something to get what is inside out. Something that makes it easier to get this overflowing, boiling sap of myself poured onto or into another vase like temple. I need to plug myself in... delete... and reload new stuff...
Ever feel like you have so much more to give than you have been giving? That is where I am now... feeling like there is something that I am supposed to be doing and not really getting into the motion... maybe not walking through a door, or not motivating myself to the next level... the next step.
I have never been at a place like this before... and I feel like if I was an artist... a true artist then I would have an outlet; I would have something that would empty me... scrape the sides of the thick batter of myself out and prepare for something new.
just some private, public thoughts
xoxo
Lulu ;)
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Interesting thing about relationships...
Lately I have been thinking about the relationships between people... all kinds of relationships: between friends, siblings, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, and I think that I have come to some conclusion about them...
One thing is for sure that relationships all seem to be very fluid... people seem to think that there are rules that have to be followed when it comes to relationships, but I don't believe that. Everyone is different and every relationship is different... obviously there are those relationships that are hard to define because of the mix of emotion that can get involved, but in the end every relationship has it's basic foundation... two people who care for and respect each other. The caring and respect can be so complex and have so many different levels that I'd like to believe the possibilities are infinite.
I was having a conversation with someone recently and remember saying to this person that relationships are fluid, people hold the containers that they want their relationship to be and as a result make the boundaries for themselves. Since relationships are fluid they change, grow, move, and manuever, and its all ok. I think that once you are ok with how things are moving, once a person says out loud that they are comfortable with what is happening with their friends, husbands, wives or siblings that everything else just moves along with your inner growth. There are no rules unless you make them. There is no cookie cutter for what a real relationship is supposed to look like or be. I think that if people were to pay more attention to themselves and their own actions that the affect on others would be so much greater. Thinking about what you do and how you do it definitely changes you. I speak from experience with that.
A relationship with God is the most important relationship that anyone could have, in my humble opinion, and I would never attempt to put a boundary on that so why attempt to have rules for what we think we should be feeling, or doing?... unless of course what we are doing is deliberately harming someone else.
Just some thoughts... they are probably all scrambled and I'll have to reread just to make sense of myself but I think I got everything I wanted to say down...
xoxo
Lulu ;)
One thing is for sure that relationships all seem to be very fluid... people seem to think that there are rules that have to be followed when it comes to relationships, but I don't believe that. Everyone is different and every relationship is different... obviously there are those relationships that are hard to define because of the mix of emotion that can get involved, but in the end every relationship has it's basic foundation... two people who care for and respect each other. The caring and respect can be so complex and have so many different levels that I'd like to believe the possibilities are infinite.
I was having a conversation with someone recently and remember saying to this person that relationships are fluid, people hold the containers that they want their relationship to be and as a result make the boundaries for themselves. Since relationships are fluid they change, grow, move, and manuever, and its all ok. I think that once you are ok with how things are moving, once a person says out loud that they are comfortable with what is happening with their friends, husbands, wives or siblings that everything else just moves along with your inner growth. There are no rules unless you make them. There is no cookie cutter for what a real relationship is supposed to look like or be. I think that if people were to pay more attention to themselves and their own actions that the affect on others would be so much greater. Thinking about what you do and how you do it definitely changes you. I speak from experience with that.
A relationship with God is the most important relationship that anyone could have, in my humble opinion, and I would never attempt to put a boundary on that so why attempt to have rules for what we think we should be feeling, or doing?... unless of course what we are doing is deliberately harming someone else.
Just some thoughts... they are probably all scrambled and I'll have to reread just to make sense of myself but I think I got everything I wanted to say down...
xoxo
Lulu ;)
Friday, January 22, 2010
So a kid says to me...
Miss, why don't you like anyone or want anyone to touch you? and I reply what do you mean? and he says you don't like students to hug you or touch you in any way... in fact you avoid touch at all costs... and I say "that's the way it has to be, look at all of the stories of teachers who are accused and sometimes wrongfully, of touching students inappropriately. Or teachers who actually end up having relationships with their students? what the hell is that about? and I don't want to be accused of anything like that so I don't want to be touched at all."
Isn't it sad that we have come to this in our world? Touching is probably one of the most healing experiences that anyone can have, and we as educators cannot afford to be affectionate with kids because of the society we live in. It's terrible that we have come to an era where students and teachers have to be extra careful about the relationships that are built. I am careful about the conversations that students want to have, about who speaks to me where, and when, I am even careful about emails that are sent between students and myself. I hate that we have come to a place where students, who spend most of their day with teachers, cannot confide or build on relationships in anyway besides grading papers and reading books.
Sometimes kids have issues that need a little TLC and we can't give that to them, which is incredibly sad... just thought about how weird I probably look leaning away from someone that I am afraid will brush up on me in some way LOL... ah well ce la vie... can't do anything about the way humanity has developed. Just thought that maybe if I said it aloud I would be able to organize a way to make it a little better.
Lets keep hoping
xoxo
Lulu ;)
Isn't it sad that we have come to this in our world? Touching is probably one of the most healing experiences that anyone can have, and we as educators cannot afford to be affectionate with kids because of the society we live in. It's terrible that we have come to an era where students and teachers have to be extra careful about the relationships that are built. I am careful about the conversations that students want to have, about who speaks to me where, and when, I am even careful about emails that are sent between students and myself. I hate that we have come to a place where students, who spend most of their day with teachers, cannot confide or build on relationships in anyway besides grading papers and reading books.
Sometimes kids have issues that need a little TLC and we can't give that to them, which is incredibly sad... just thought about how weird I probably look leaning away from someone that I am afraid will brush up on me in some way LOL... ah well ce la vie... can't do anything about the way humanity has developed. Just thought that maybe if I said it aloud I would be able to organize a way to make it a little better.
Lets keep hoping
xoxo
Lulu ;)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
All in a days WTF!?
Coming out of work today my coworkers and myself were walking in the direction of the train... on the way we stop at the crosswalk and wait for the safest time to cross and there is a strange man waiting on the corner... he is skeptical looking because of the random paper back that he was carrying and the fact that it is 30 degrees in NY and he has his raggedy brown leather jacket open. He turns to us as we are chattering away, waiting for the crosswalk to give us permission to cross, and says are "youse guys teachers?"
we all say yes simultaneously... then "All of youse?" again the reply is yes... from that stand point he starts asking us where we are from, where we live, do we know who he is?
And of course there is always one person at work who engages the crazies... so my friend decides that she will start answering his questions...
He starts talking about all of the neighborhoods that she mentions and says that her neighborhood used to be all italian, that Spanish Harlem at one point was all italian, that towns and cities and neighborhoods all over the world were built on the blood money from the I-talian Mafia... and that he would know... then again asks "Do youse know who I am?"
Without waiting for a reply he continues to talk about Brooklyn and how my friends' neighborhood was all "Caribbean" then asked her four times if she was in fact Caribbean (even though her answered remained NO all four times)... then started to talk about how the I-talian mafia made a deal with the police in the 1960's to sell drugs in Harlem, and the cops ok'd it as long as it stayed in the black communities... then ranted about how it OF COURSE spilled into the white communities... and then back to Brooklyn with Spike Lee... and how he is the only "black panther, I mean black family living in his neighborhood"
WTF... this is what happens at the end of a day! WHOO too much... first crazy kids then crazy adults and now crazy strangers... all in a days work I guess...SMH
xoxo
Lulu
we all say yes simultaneously... then "All of youse?" again the reply is yes... from that stand point he starts asking us where we are from, where we live, do we know who he is?
And of course there is always one person at work who engages the crazies... so my friend decides that she will start answering his questions...
He starts talking about all of the neighborhoods that she mentions and says that her neighborhood used to be all italian, that Spanish Harlem at one point was all italian, that towns and cities and neighborhoods all over the world were built on the blood money from the I-talian Mafia... and that he would know... then again asks "Do youse know who I am?"
Without waiting for a reply he continues to talk about Brooklyn and how my friends' neighborhood was all "Caribbean" then asked her four times if she was in fact Caribbean (even though her answered remained NO all four times)... then started to talk about how the I-talian mafia made a deal with the police in the 1960's to sell drugs in Harlem, and the cops ok'd it as long as it stayed in the black communities... then ranted about how it OF COURSE spilled into the white communities... and then back to Brooklyn with Spike Lee... and how he is the only "black panther, I mean black family living in his neighborhood"
WTF... this is what happens at the end of a day! WHOO too much... first crazy kids then crazy adults and now crazy strangers... all in a days work I guess...SMH
xoxo
Lulu
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I miss you...
Losing my mind...
Lost in my storm of sadness
Swamping through the stir of emotion
Tears like rain wash through me, hot and sticky
But crying doesn't help, doesn't empty me
Blankets of sorrow keep me warm
In my shiver of despair...
cries, howling cries from the broken sharded pieces of my soul
Those cries... they keep me company, like long lost friends with their arms around my neck... holding on... they keep me focused
Remembering why I'm here
Why you're there
Why it's not fair
Stuck feeling this and wanting to
because
If this is it
If this pain is all I have left
The only thing I have left
I'll gladly take my pieces
My portion of destruction
Gladly...
Sadly...
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